Our Funny World.

I'm Really Back!!!

2008-08-11T19:14:00.004+05:30

Whew!!! It’s been a while. The past few months have been hectic. But now that a certain something has happened in my life I can relax a bit, and bore you, my barely there audience with my rantings.

Well first things first. Let me get all that anger and spite off my chest, because it is very unhealthy to have poor anger management skills. So I shall vent out my ire in the subsequent paragraphs. But to do so I have to create some "fictional" characters "inspired" by the real life events that took place in my life. First we have "the professional institution" to which, I am ashamed to say, I belong. Let us call this "professional institute" (yes, the excessive use of inverted commas in this post are inspired by "the laser" scene from the second Austin Powers film.) ....ummmmm "the crap hole" ...or "the brownie".....no "the crap hole" is fine. Now I have to establish certain characters who have inadvertently made my life miserable, but whom I hate in spite of their innocent ignorance of the suffering of my friends and me. Let’s call one of them "the teat sucker”, and the other one "the senile anilingus addict".

Well now the stage is set. My protagonists and the settings they dwell in are initialized (a little programming lingo there). Let me start by saying I hate the crap hole (ok the inverted commas were getting tiresome so I have dropped them). There is more justice in hell than there is in the crap hole. Hell, there is more justice in the savage bacterial colonies that dwell on the anal hairs of Satan's asshole than there is in MI.....I mean the crap hole.

Ok...that felt goooood. Very therapeutic. Now to the teat sucker. You are a mother fucking, three testicled mutant goat nut sucking, little boy crotch rubbing …..ok I don’t know how to end that sentence….I’ll just end it here….You guys get the gist of that sentence. You are not present in the crap hole when we, your humble servants, need you. You make us run after your brown middle class arrogant ass just to get the simplest of services from you. Not only do you shy away from your duties as a server of the students (read as, slaves who pay a shit load for a crappy education from a third rate institution) but you show a very casual and apathetic attitude towards the problems of the students. This attitude is unfortunately infectious and many students end up not caring about their own problems and have that flawed idea that time will take care of their problems. You lick the balls of the companies that come to the institute for recruitment. You change the rules of the placements whenever students approach you, as long as you can ensure a high percentage of placements for the institute. You are a “number chaser” who hides behind the excessively saccharine rosy façade of caring for the students. I cannot believe you actually carry out all these conscience nagging injustices and are still able to look at the picture of your family that you keep on your work desk. My elder sibling hated you, I hate you, and so will subsequent batches of students. They will loathe you behind your back, and one day you will get a rude shocking reality check, an awakening, an epiphany…..and you will regret the unethical life you have led and the memories of the students lives you have destroyed will trample upon your conscience forever.

Whew. That went slightly overboard. As a post script to the above negative portrayal, the only positive thing I can say about the teat sucker is that I admire him as a fellow hypocrite.

Now to you, the senile anilingus addict. I DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You are supposed to be a very important person who is involved with the placement procedure at the crap hole. But I have never seen you at any of the placement tests. I have never seen you at any of the PPTs. You have come a little late to be involved with the placements. Before you showed your “wrinkled like a prune” ass, hundreds of students were able to copy off of each others test papers due to poor invigilating. As a result of this many deserving students, including many from my class, were denied a chance to a fair judgment process. How can anyone in their right mind send less than 10 people to govern more than 200 students who are sitting for a test. Not only were you not there, but you actually had the audacity to speak rudely to worried, and yet unplaced students, who came to you looking for solace. I only got placed, and that too in a good company, only because 60 students sat for the test. I don’t know much about you sir, so I guess the hate that I have for you, as unhealthy as that may be, is a strong prejudiced hate.

Well that’s it for today. I guess I feel a little better now. For those of you who know me, please be free to add comments. I don’t mind if you disagree with me, you are entitled to your opinion after all.

See you guys….hopefully soon.
Bye.

PS: Burn in hell crap hole!!!!!!

I'm Baaaaaaack!!!!!

2008-07-08T21:05:00.003+05:30

Whew.....haven't ranted in a long time (about 4 months). Well that's gonna change. I've undergone enough suffering, humiliation and emotional pain in those months and now I have something to talk about. So in the next few weeks that's all I'll be talking about. Ahem.. uh...ahem..sigh...tch..
.....
.....

Well enough about me.

So whats up with you guys.

A spoonful of Depression.

2008-03-11T22:17:00.002+05:30

Got my marks yesterday and today. Not very good. Feeling a little depressed. Also forgot to post anything yesterday; making me more depressed. Now where did my dad put his hunting rifle.

Subliminal Indian Media.

2008-03-09T23:02:00.004+05:30

Our media is a very cunning force. It is a very powerful force which answers to no one, not even to the government. In our country, they are the high priests of gonzo. They litter their newspapers and media with subliminal messages, and thus try to appeal to the wider masses.

But not all components of our media are evil. They may be intricately involved with the progress of this country (though they should be involved at all is a matter of debate), but in some cases they ARE the progress of this country. If it wasn't for them we'd have no stings operations to watch and enjoy, we'd have no sarcastic mind bending reports in newspapers, and we'd have no one to stand up for the common man.

So next time you read a newspaper or watch the news on TV, remember that your media IS subliminal but it may not be bad thing. Bye.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2008-03-08T21:30:00.004+05:30

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....ahhh. Finally woke up. Went to college in a very pissed off mood today. Its 6:00 in the morning, and some jackass comes to our house and rings the bell for about 5 minutes. I was in bed with my eyes closed hoping my dad would open the door and whack the asshole on his face with a shovel, but as it turns out, my parents were expecting someone.

When I finally reached college, I slept for some time. Then when classes started one of my lecturers comes in and tells us that his class is canceled. So overall, we had only one class today. I got up for one fucking class.

And as if that wasn't enough, we had a placement seminar in the afternoon. Like I was gonna wait that long...I bolted back home after the first and only class. Also one of my female lecturers is missing. If you see this woman please tell me. I went to her cabin today but I couldn't find her. This was the only picture I could find of her.

Started working on Qt4 today. Its an awesome open source GUI builder. Then tried my hand at GIMP, couldn't do much there. Well, I guess thats it for today. Gotta go. Bye.

Tiring Friday.

2008-03-07T21:29:00.001+05:30

Slept at 5:30 today morning. Got up at 6:45, but I feel so fresh and dkl;jfdfmlmv/................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

Post First Sessional Stress?

2008-03-06T21:10:00.003+05:30

Today was a good day. Good, 'cause nothing bad happened. In fact we had a class canceled. Also I have started working on the projects I had assigned myself in the last post. Started working in Blender. It is an awesome tool.

Got to start working in flash too. Seriously want to make that flash cartoon of ...you know who. Nothing much else happened today. Oh...me and my friends talked about defloweration for about half an hour in class today. Thats it. Got to get to work. One more thing, I came across this really awesome website www.showmedo.com. Contrary to what the name sounds like its really a cool learning resource, sadly though not all the videos there are free. Have fun. Bye.

Yahoo!!!

2008-03-05T21:33:00.003+05:30

Finally tests are over. Today was a really bad one. Our sir gave us a list of names to form a B+ tree (..or was it a B tree??...oh oh). The list of names was of some of the popular South Park characters. Cool guy our sir, but I hate the asshole.

Anyways, now is the time to sit back and relax and plan some really, really huge stuff and then sit back and do none of it. Thats whats so awesome and tragic about tests, you plan some really big stuff to do, but once the tests are over you're all out of steam and ideas.

Another thing I wanted to write about is the quantity of the last few posts. I know they were very small and boring (-er than usual), but as you might have guessed I had some tests to give and I was busy NOT studying for them.

So here's some of the stuff that I have planned to do (or rather not do)

1) Start a new flash cartoon series about someone special.
2) Learn more about blender.
3) Learn more about GIMP.
4) Learn more Flash (before I venture into venture number 1)
5) Learn to make better to-do lists.
6) Learn some other cool and interesting web tech.
7) Learn to write a better blog.

So wish me luck. If any of you have good suggestions of some cool sites which might help me, please post them in the comments. And if you read this post, you must write a comment, otherwise you will die in eight days.....remember I know where most of you guys live.

Keep in touch. Bye.

Almost Over

2008-03-04T22:49:00.001+05:30

Last test tomorrow. Haven't started studying yet. Gonna be tough. See you tomorrow. Bye

Whew!!

2008-03-03T22:40:00.000+05:30

Got screwed in the tests today. HJardly have anything else to say. ACNW is gonna rape my ass tonight. Bye.

This is my Sunday.

2008-03-02T22:02:00.001+05:30

Finally started studying. Now spending my last few hours before exam trying to stay awake and cram as much as possible. No time to write more. See you soon. Bye.

Saturday Night Fever.

2008-03-01T23:20:00.001+05:30

Didn't do much today. Stayed at home. Watched No Country for old men. My sessionals are coming up and I haven't even hit the books. Nothing more to write. Sorry. Bye.

What a wonderful day it was............NNOOOOOOTTT!!!!!!

2008-02-29T20:40:00.008+05:30

I hate authority figures. No wait, I loathe them. They are more often than not, sick and sadistic mother humpers who harass you to no end. There are those authority figures who have to attach so much self importance to their crappy, pathetic, "I'm such a loser...I wanna blow my head off in a car" jobs, that they end up irritating the very people they are meant to serve. Those very people, whose money puts the food on their plates and on the plates of their children.

Its these depressing, proud scum that owe us a lot. We are their bread and butter. My friends and I had a mood killing experience this week. All we had to do was get a form for a particular inter college competition, typed it in a particular format, and get it authorized by our assolic director, I mean associate director and finally our sardar director.

This is what REALLY happened. We go to the associate director (ass. director...heehee) first, with the form typed in the correct format. We also had a bona fide certificate, typed in the correct format. I had previously heard of the bad rapport the ass. director shared with the students and there were a lot of underground and off-color jokes about him which I loved.

So we show the asshole our format and certificate. All of a sudden he acts like the editor of a critically acclaimed newspaper and starts editing the certificate left and right, all the while marking the changes to be made with a pencil.

His handwriting was so terrible that for a moment I thought I was reading a doctor's prescription of Valium and some other antidepressants. So we do the changes. But the skinny bitch sitting near the printer prints it wrong and before she shows us the draft, she takes the print out and promptly walks away with it to the sardar's office. We're following behind her, my exasperated friend with great difficulty keeping his hands away from the gun hidden in his jacket, and me, looking at, and rating the bitch's ass (3 out of 5 stars). Again we encounter another case of a dildo addicted cunt over emphasizing her job responsibilities.

We then wait at the director's office for some fifteen minutes. Finally the doors open and who comes out but the chuth-ud ass. director. Our skinny bitch confidently steps forward (and don't forget the fact that she has abandoned her post near the printer for fifteen minutes) and with a smile on her face, hands over our newly typed asswipe certificate to the asswipe ass. director.

The sex starved bastard, looks at the paper, then shifts his focus to the skinny bitch's face. Then he rests his eyes on her bosom for some 20 seconds before he finally snatches the paper from her hand. He then looks down at us, and walks past us with our bona fide certificate in our hand. All the while having this smug expression on his face.

We all go into his office, but first he stops to go to his exclusive gold plated, diamond encrusted, pimped up toilet. A lot of rhythmic sounds come from under the toilet door, and I'm thinking "Man, this prick has a really loud watch. And its running slowwwwww." He finally comes out (after he cums out in the toilet) and sits down on his hemorrhoids sensitive chair basking in the cool wind of his hay fever causing air conditioner. And then he does the unthinkable. He edits the certificate again. THE MOTHERFUCKING, PIG CLITORIS LICKING, DEAD CHICKEN HUMPING PIECE OF SHIT EDITS THE CERTIFICATE FUCKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! I heard a clicking sound, and when I turned around I saw my friend had a mad look in his eye (the left one) and his hand was under his jacket cradling the gun. I nod sideways telling him to be cool.

The ass. director continues butchering the certificate. Finally he tells my friend and me something about the changes to be made and I can't hear him 'cause I'm grinding my teeth so hard out of anger. Finally we leave his office and after roaming the entire college for about an hour, we come to know that another team has also applied and we might need to have an intra college completion to decide who should represent the stupid college in the inter college competition. But my friends and I had a better idea. We arranged a meeting with the other team and held them at gun point. At this point they decided to forfeit from the competition. But we still have long way to go before we can compete and finally win. Also there are a lot of sub plots that I haven't discussed in the above story, maybe another time.

For now be content reading the disturbing and unsettling things I have written above. Until tomorrow. Bye.

No Parent's at Home!!!!

2008-02-28T21:57:00.002+05:30

Thats right. I'm alone, except for my brother and the hundreds of servants. Thats right I'm a king, the king of Fictopia. I am the sole ruler, and there are only women in my kingdom, and they need countless hours of sex to survive (otherwise they'd die), and I am the only male around.

Its really a strange feeling when your parents are not at home. You feel elated and try to catch up on all the things you couldn't do in front of your parents (like jerk off in front of a TV, or upside down, or while looking at the neighbors' hot daughter). But you also feel a bit guilty that you are actually enjoying their absence .

I remember when I was young, I'd sit and watch cartoons all day when my parents were away. I remember this really cool party I'd set up when I was eleven. I was alone at home and was feeling bored, so I called a couple of my friends and we invited more losers to our hip "only eleven years and above and if you're carrying alcohol and drugs in your pockets" party. We got hammered and snorted cocaine till six the next morning. It was awesome. I boned a couple of fifteen year olds from Lebanon. Haven't heard from them since...must have entered the flesh trade. Anyways it was a fun party, except for a puking incident involving my seriously high best friend and my dad's barbecue set.

Ahhh...nostalgia. Well thats all I can remember. Time to get my old phone book out and calla couple of Lebanese chicks. Bye.

Another Ballad...of Hate.

2008-02-27T21:20:00.004+05:30

Almost completed the other crappy poem I was writing. Tell me what you think. I call it....

ANUS

You say that you really dig Charles Dickens.
Come to think of it, you like to bang chickens.

You come to the class without any lag,
Behind your back we all call you a fag.

You talk about semantic analysis,
And bragged about doin' helpless people on dialysis.

Theres a certain boy in class who hates you very much,
He'd like to beat you up and see you on a crutch.

In the night lonely animals you like to stalk,
I'm certain you penis is no bigger than a very small piece of chalk.

There are many people who'd like to pump you with lead,
Pump you with lead until like a dodo you are dead.

You teach some shit about some predictive parser.
We'd all like to kick you huge ass very far-sir.

Into the swamp you like to go on a long trek,
'Cause thats where you jerk off on pics of Shrek.

Of your class we understand not even a fraction.
You like to visit Neverland to make sweet love to Michael Jackson.

I'd like to run you over and grind you in the floor.
Believe me when you are old, you'll get married to a door.

Your addictions are zoophilia and pedophilia,
I think thats it, oh wait I forgot necrophilia.

Everybody in class thinks you are a sadistic prick,
To get your job you must have sucked a lot of dick.

Even the faculty in staff rooms call you behn chooth,
Your secret desire is to screw superman in a telephone booth.

You ignore us when we ask you doubts.
You still ignore them when he or she shouts.
You have a fetish for animals with snouts.
You like it when it pouts.
While fucking you like taking the anal routes.

In your company birds are not safe, look there a dove.
I have have no words to describe what you are doing above.

You like to fuck,
A duck.
You schmuck,
You suck.
Good luck,
To you oh duck.

Whomever you do, you give them the flu,
If plants had dicks you suck them too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feel free to add more. Bye.

Wow...I'm actually busy.

2008-02-26T22:17:00.002+05:30

My sessionals are coming up. In other words I am gonna get raped in one week. I don't know what it is about tests, but whenever there is one round the corner, I suddenly get distracted by all the things NOT related to my studies. I install some new software and start working on it even if I have no idea what that software does.

Its some form of a "living in denial" thing I guess.

Also I have a lot of projects to work on, (why am I writing about all this crap on a blog) so forgive me if the excellent quality of my blog (ahem) is not maintained. I am also getting in touch with the poet inside me (no I'm NOT pregnant... (Joe in Average Joe doesn't stand for Josephine you retards)), yep I'll shortly put up another twisted poem of one of my favorite lecturers.

So until then, bye.

And the winner is....

2008-02-25T20:55:00.002+05:30

Saw the Oscar winners. Was surprised Michael Clayton was nominated for so many awards. It was almost like Erin Brockovich without the push up bras. The premise of the script was fairly simple, the movie just glossed over this fact using the amazing performances of the entire cast.

Got nothing good to say today. Here's a PJ:

1) How do you freak out Jack Nicholson when you meet him in the street?

You walk over to him hesitantly. You look up to him teary eyed, and with a quavering voice say, "Hi, Dad!".

Bye.

Why Bollywood, why do you suck??

2008-02-24T22:25:00.002+05:30

I saw Ballet Shoes today. It was OK. What I found funny about the story is that there are two old women, in their fifties, who are unmarried and they live together in the company of other women. One of them even wears a monocle. Weird....

Saw a little bit of Jodhaa Akbar too. It sucks ASS. Its not difficult to see that Ashutosh Gowariker has aped a lot of the shots from epic types movies of the west. You can clearly make out shots from Lord of the Rings and an entire scene has been copied...nay plagiarized (OK I know I'm being a little dramatic) from Troy. I haven't seen the entire film yet and I'm hoping that the homosexuality element from Alexander has been lifted too. It would be fun to see Akbar banging his father-in-law. They could tie Jodhaa to a chair and starting pegging each other in front of her. Then they can start burning her with lit cigarettes and spit gutka juice on her. That would be worthwhile to watch. Man that movie is three fucking hours long.

Aishwarya Rai, sorry, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan acts in the film as Jodhaa. They might as well replace her with a piece of wood. I can't believe how incredibly gullible and stupid my fellow countrymen can be to watch the crap bollywood dishes out. How many love stories can a person watch in a lifetime? Its really sickening to watch some dumb asses dance and prance around trees and who magically change their clothes and end up in foreign locales within a span of a song.

The songs too are mind numbingly stupid. My Hindi isn't very good, but some of the lyrics that I do understand make me laugh my ass off. Every song has something to do with love and some shit or another related to love. I'm so sick of bollywood even though in the last 10 years I have watched only 5-6 Hindi movies. Bollywood was much better when it started out. The quality of the movies was better in the 50's and 60's. But somewhere along the line, bollywood started doing some "lines" and started making movies that some people actually didn't mind standing in lines for.

Even hollywood has started dishing out shit. Nothing is original in hollywood anymore. Every movie you see is either from a novel or a comic book or some old and forgotten franchise (this is even true for TV shows). Only independent films appear to have some good stories to tell.

It seems to me that a lot of independent content will find greater acceptance in the world in the future. I don't mean just movies, but games and software, and radio shows, etc. The times we are living in are truly awesome, because there are people out there who really want to hear our voices. The voices of average Joe's. The people who have been at the receiving end for far too long. They want to hear your voice, and goddamn it you'd better be ready to shout your lungs out.

Bye.

Saturday is supposed to be a weekend.

2008-02-23T23:02:00.002+05:30

We have six working days in college. SIX!!!!!! That may not sound like much, but believe me when I say that those are six brutal days. We didn't even have proper classes today. We had only one class, followed by a job placement conference by some French dudes. I didn't attend it...naturally.

On an unrelated issue, I had cheese for breakfast today.

I can't understand why the college doesn't give us four working days and two holidays in a week. Every other college in the country follows this system. I guess MIT is trying to be different. Well it sure has succeeded, its more shittier than the others.

Slept a lot today. Watched "Run Fat Boy Run". Was OK. It was funny.....British funny.

Nothing more to bore you with. Bye.

Why we make fun of other people?

2008-02-22T20:31:00.007+05:30

That is a very good question. You see the state of mind human beings dread the most is when they are bored. Its exactly for that reason, to eliminate our boredom that is, that we make fun of others. It nothing personal, its just lazy comedy.

I myself have been at the receiving end of the above boredom elimination strategy. I have been a member of "other people", and yes it has hurt sometimes but now after maturing a little bit (and pummeling some of those mother fuckers who went over board at my expense) I have learned to accept the tease with the utmost ease (hey that rhymes...that gives me an idea).

So here I present a poem written by a little ten year old boy, who is currently recuperating in hospital after an accident in which he fell down an UP escalator for 3 hours. He misses school and he has written this poem in the form of a love ballad to a teacher.

BITCH-A LOVE BALLAD

Oh Sheela*, you may be small,
But to you, I give you my all.

You are quite a catch,
Even though you have a mustache.

There was a last minute change in God's plan.
Alas! You could have been a man.

You are so flat chested,
That you cannot be bested.

I like Harry, Hermione and Ron,
Sorry you're known as flatron.
And looking at you my libido is gone.
My penis shrivels up like a prawn.
What the fuck have you done.

You mouth is so small you must be fed through tubes,
I have no idea why you don't have no pubes.

Crazy bitch, don't shout
Your pussy troll will never get out.

I think I'm goin' insane.
You're still as ugly, even after cocaine.

You are NOT like the goddess Venus,
I suspect thats 'cause you have a little penis.

You are the teacher that dictates notes,
I wouldn't do you but rather some goats.

Everybody says you are witty,
But whats the use if I can see no titty.
I wanna bang a sweet little kitty.
Believe me, your teaching is shitty.

I'd rue the day when you go in labor,
Oh wait false alarm, you burned yourself doin' a light saber.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Feel free to add more rhymes.Bye.

* Name has been changed to protect privacy.

One Week Anniversary.

2008-02-21T23:15:00.002+05:30

My blog's one week anniversary. Wow it seems like just one week ago that I started the blog. I'd like to think my friends and family, my teachers, my friends, my wang, my friends, my freinds and family and you the readers for not posting any comments. Have nothing more to say. I love you guys. Keep reading.

More funny names for movies.

1) Ice Age--------->Ass Rage
2) H P and the Deathly Hallows-------->H P and his filthy Hollows
3) It---------->Shit
4) Open Season--------------------->Bangin' Season
5) Bee Movie--------------------->Pee On Me
6) Over the Hedge------>Do me in the Hedge
7) Scary Movie----------->Scary Boobie
8) Return of the King------>Return to my Fucking.
9) Polar Express-------->Poke Hard Sexpress
10) Day After Tomorrow----->Gay After Tomorrow

Bye. Have fun.

Day Dreaming on the Can.

2008-02-20T21:40:00.002+05:30

Don't have much to write today. While I was sitting on the can for half an hour today, I came up with the following dirty names of famous movies. Enjoy.

1) My Left Foot------------------->My Left Foot Fetish
2) The Alamo--------------------->Anal Blow
3) Bridget Jones's Diary----------->Bridget Jones's Diaphragm
4) The Fellowship of the Ring------>The Fellowship of the Pimps
5) The Two Towers---------------->The Two Boners
6) Pulp Fiction--------------------->Gulp & Friction
7) The Elephantman--------------->The Elephant in the Man
8) Inside Man---------------------->Inside a Man
9) Alien v/s Predator-------------->Anal Predators
10) Braveheart-------------------->Brave and Hard
11) Jailhouse Rock----------------->Jailhouse Fuck
12) Rocky I,II,III,IV,V------------>Suckme I,II,III,IV,V
13) Rocky Balboa------------------>Suckme....Dildo..ahhhhhh
14) Click--------------------------->Clit
15) Empire Strikes Back----------->Empire Spanks Ass
16) Kill Bill------------------------->With Bill and Gill and Will and Till and .......
17) The Exorcist------------------->The Sexorcist
18) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets------------>Harry Potter and his Chamber that Secretes
19) Prisoner of Azkaban------------>Pleasurer of Ass-ka-bang
20) Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone------------>Harry Potter Stroking the Professor's Stones
21) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix----------->Harry Potter and the Bladder above the Penis
22) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince-------------->Harry Potter at whom Professor Grins
23) Jumper------------------------>Jump-her/Humper
24) There will be Blood------------>There will be Blood and Shit and Tears and Ejaculate...
25) The Spiderwick Chronicles---->The Spider-dick Chronicles
26) No Country for Old Men------->No Cunts for Old Men

Whew...that was a lot. Please be free to add more in the comments section. Bye.

Cartoons.

2008-02-19T22:47:00.002+05:30

I'll admit it, I still do watch cartoons. I still do watch Tom & Jerry (the old episodes not the new crap they sometimes show on TV). And I still actually laugh my ass off when I see Tom getting clobbered (my favorite episode is Of Feline Bondage) or when Jerry uses a brassiere as a parachute. I know a lot of "old" people who watch cartoons and enjoy it. But apart from Tom & Jerry I watch a lot of other cartoons.

I guess cartoons help us to hold on to the younger version of ourselves. The times when we had nothing to worry about (except a sexual predatory uncle), the times when we could sit in front of the TV for hours and then get prescription eyeglasses, the times when we would laugh with our parents rather than at them (behind their backs that is). Cartoons also happen to be the best stress busters. They cause us to laugh. Laughing triggers the ventromedial prefrontal cortex of the brain, which produces endorphins (chemicals which make you feel high........legally). Some cartoons I have watched have made a huge impact on my life, I would recommend watching a few of the following cartoons:

1) The Simpsons
2) Futurama
3) Family Guy
4) South Park
5) Happy Tree Friends
6) Tom & Jerry
7) Bugs Bunny
8) Road Runner

But cartoons can't entertain us always. Today as we grow older, we have to make up our own forms of entertainment like spanking the monkey, or waxing the dolphin, or even playing with the divining rod. My friends and I for example mostly don't pay attention to our teachers in class and spend the time playing Hangman or cracking crappy jokes (like Keshavamurthy getting anally raped in prison and enjoying it or Keshavamurthy playing Oliver Twist who says "Please, sir, I want some more" after getting brutally fisted) or making fun of big breasted women.

Thats one of the main reasons I go to college, the time I get to spend with friends (...sniff...........excuse me....I think i got a tear in my eye), or the times I get to show the finger to a teacher (sniff.....good times), or the times I get high (sniff.....I'm snorting cocaine right now). 'Cause at the end of the day its the time we spent with our friends and family that will be our fondest memories, and with that I wish you all good night. Bye. I got some cartoons to watch (...mmmmmmmm hentaiiii).

Teacher Teacher Dumbass Preacher.

2008-02-18T15:10:00.002+05:30

Teachers. They say parents are our second teachers and teachers are our second parents. Who the hell are "they" I have no idea, but rarely have I had a teacher who ever made this statement seem true. The first half of the statement may be true but in this country I have very rarely met a teacher who ever even tried to instill a sense of learning in me.

I guess its easier when we're young, you look up to all your teachers as idols. But as you grow up many things come into perspective. For example, you realize how boring learning can be sometimes, and you don't get the right kind of guidance. This is especially true with the young generation; the young generation of teachers I mean. I guess they don't join the profession for the joy of teaching others.

We spend more time out of our homes than in it. We spend most of our growing years in the company of friends and teachers. But when you get crappy teachers in school and college, you have some very crappy memories of growing up. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all teachers, in fact I don't even hate the crappy ones. I've had my share of "good" and "bad" and "very bad" teachers.

But I guess at the end of the day no matter what kind of teacher you've had you are forever indebted to them since you HAVE learned something from them. So to all the teachers out there thank you for teaching shit and ruining my life.

Enough about teachers. Here's another PJ I was working on:

I had a tough day at the office. When I reached home my dyslexic girlfriend asked me if there was anything she could do to make me feel better. I told her "After I come back from work everyday, I'd really appreciate it if you could get me a piping hot cup of tea, and keep it on the table." (I later kicked myself and thought I should have asked for a blow job) Anyways the next day I come home and as I'm walking to my apartment I hear a terrible sound coming from within. Worried, I rush into the apartment and there I find a well built, square jawed, kilt wearing Scotsman. He's playing a bagpipe and for some reason he's wearing a bra. I look to my girlfriend and ask her "What the hell is this?" She tells me, "Well here it. Your piping hottie (pronounced:hot-tea) with cups."

Gotta go. Got to work on my project for tomorrow. Meet you guys tomorrow. Bye.

Sunday Boring Sunday.

2008-02-17T21:16:00.005+05:30

Sunday. The day of sabbath. Boring as usual. Didn't do anything worthwhile. Thought about working on my college projects....but was distracted by a pair of ants making love on the window sill of my room (thats how slow my day was). So I was thinking of spreading some rumors. Here are some of the rumors I thought of:

1) During the writers strike, Hollywood studios were so desperate for scripts that they actually started going through really good blogs. How pathetic is that?

2) We have finally achieved world peace!!! All the bad bastards in this world have had a sudden change of heart. Now all countries are friendly towards each other. No more senseless violence. Isn't that sad. What do we do for entertainment now?

3) Alright this isn't a rumior, I jdust wanteod too seee if I courld typw woithout looadking at thre keyboerd. Apppaprently I cccann't.

4) George Romero has said that the inspiration for all his zombie movies was Jesus. This has created a lot of controversy and the violence that followed has resulted in the death and reanimation of nearly a 100 million people. There are zombies everywhere!!!! Run for your life, they want to eat your brains.

5) Salman Khan was arrested in London today after he got into an altercation and later broke into a fight with an unidentified individual. The said individual sustained no injuries. Mr. Khan's publicist later issued a statement saying that the fight broke after his client had asked the victim to move aside and give him way to pass through a narrow corridor. The victim did not comply and just stood there staring at Mr. Khan, which made him nervous and finally resulted in him punching the victim 18 times in the face. All the while the victim didn't utter a sound. Strange?
-courtesy The Times of India

6) A wax figurine was vandalized by an unidentified man in London today at the famous Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. The statue was punched in the face 18 times by the vandal who was later arrested. Apparently the wax figurine was of a washed up Bollywood actor who goes by the name Salman Khan. The unidentified vandal was later released after paying for bail. The figurine was damaged beyond repair and was dumped at the local dump yard.
-courtesy The Sun

7) Famous Manipal University college MIT was faced with a damaging and scandalous scandal today. Acting on a tip off, the local law enforcement authorities and animal rights activists raided the office of MIT director S S Pabla. There it was found that the director and another unpopular lecturer, later identified as B N Keshavamurthy, were involved in gruesome acts of beastility and zoophilia. The animals were rescued and the perpetrators of this gruesome crime were arrested.
-courtesy A Very Bored and Sick Mind

See how depressed I was today. Anyways, I saw Steal This Movie 1 & 2, it was quite enlightening. Also I read about an artist named Andres Serrano who made a photograph called Piss Christ. Read about it here.

Well nothing more to talk about. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Lets hope something interesting happens in my life tomorrow. Bye.

Home Not Alone.

2008-02-16T20:14:00.003+05:30

Stayed at home today. Wasn't so bad. Watched some good movies. Juno, From Dusk Till Dawn, Resident Evil:Extinction. Juno was good. Had a bit of dark humor. From Dusk Till Dawn was a bit of a gore movie. Resident Evil:Extinction was the least crappiest of the Resident Evil series.

Couldn't enjoy the movies throughly though. My dad kept pestering me about some malfunctioning floppy disk drive. Guess the tables turned on that "son irritating dad thing". Didn't do anything productive at all today. Played a little bit of S.T.A.L.K.E.R:Shadow of Chernobyl. Uninstalled it though. It was killing my hardware even when all the settings were on low. Listening to Jefferson Airplane. Some of their songs are not bad, but believe me you really do need drugs to be knocked out unconscious to enjoy some of their songs.

Anyway, nothing interesting happened to me today. When I was online I visited my orkut account. Went through the photo albums of most my friends. Man, time flies by so fast (except in Santhosh Rao's class), looking at those guys made me feel so nostalgic, sad and lonely. I don't even talk to them anymore, not because I don't like them. Its because them are so far away from me. I guess you can't really maintain long distance platonic friendships over a long period of time. And I'm one lazy asshole. I don't even make an effort to talk to them. Man I feel so shitty right now (I can't believe the word "shitty"actually passed the spell check).

If any of you guys ever get to see this post, I want to tell you sorry. Sorry that I never contacted you even when it was quite easy for me to do so. I hope I'll be able to beat my awkward shyness and be able to talk to all of you guys soon.

Ok enough of that mushy crap. Didn't watch any T.V today. Isn't it really funny that there's nothing worthwhile to watch on T.V when you're at home all day? I mean, that during your working days they show all the good movies and fresh episodes of cool sitcoms, but you'll either be tired or some place else when they show those movies and stuff. I hate that. Anyway there's some good news regarding T.V. The writer's strike in the US has ended and soon we'll have fresh episodes on T.V. I really missed The Office.

Well there's nothing more to rant on about. Feel a little dull today. Talk to you guys tomorrow. Bye.

P.S: Got a little PJ for you....

Question: How was Britney's performance at the MTV awards ceremony recently?
Answer: It was FLAB-ulous. There's a FAT chance that she'll ever give a performance as BIG and grand as that. All the while as she was performing the word "pork" was going through my mind.

P.P.S: I'm not shallow. Its just a crappy joke I made up.

P.P.P.S: Ok I'm a little shallow, I'll admit it.

Dilemma.

2008-02-15T19:19:00.004+05:30

I'm in that position again. Its time to make a choice. To some, my crisis is not a crisis at all. They could make a decision faster than you could snap your fingers (and if you have arthritis, I'm sorry). My problem is that I have only two classes in college tomorrow. Do I attend the classes like none of my friends would? Or do I stay at home like none of the nerds would?

I know that for the majority of you the choice would be obvious....bunk college and stay at home (or hostel). You could watch some movies, play computer games or if there is a cricket match you could NOT watch it (I like to irritate my dad by switching the channels every time a break comes and by asking him obvious questions about cricket during the playing session). But then there are those of you who would say, attend the classes. You can always watch movies and play games and irritate your dad later. Besides it would be a headache to copy the notes later on. And you wouldn't understand anything at all if your friends explained to you what was taught in the class (because they themselves were day dreaming in class).

Man thats a tough choice. What do I do? What DO I DO? Let me try to list out the pros and cons of my situation to sort out my predicament. For this I call upon my two friends PRO and CON.

Assuming I do stay at home tomorrow.....

PRO: YOU ARE STAYING AT HOME.....YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLE. YOU HARDLY EVER GET HOLIDAYS AND EVERY SUNDAY YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE "BLESSED" (RUINED) BY A VISIT TO THE CHURCH.

CON: YOU'LL MISS TWO REALLY IMPORTANT CLASSES. OOPS AND ACNW ARE QUITE IMPORTANT SUBJECTS (BESIDES THESE ARE THE ONLY TWO SUBJECTS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND SO FAR THIS SEMESTER).

PRO: YOU ARE STAYING AT HOME.....YOU UNGRATEF......WAIT I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE. OK, REMEMBER HOW SLOWLY TIME MOVES IN ACNW CLASS. SANTHOSH RAO GIVES SO MUCH NOTES IN SO LITTLE TIME THAT YOUR HANDS ACHE (YES EVEN THE ONE YOU ARE NOT USING FOR WRITING). I'D BE AMAZED IF ANYONE MANAGED TO MASTURBATE AFTER ATTENDING SANTHOSH RAO'S CLASS.

CON: BUT OOPS SIR IS QUITE FRIENDLY AND HE MAY NOT LIKE IT TO SEE A FAIRLY REGULAR STUDENT BUNK HIS CLASS FOR NO GOOD REASON

PRO: HEY WHAT I SAID BEFORE REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING. AT HOME YOU CAN MASTURBATE....IN COLLEGE YOU CANNOT. AND IN RESPONSE TO YOUR STATEMENTS CON, WHO CARES ABOUT BALACHANDRA. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY HIS DAUGHTER TOMORROW OR SOMETHING (IF BY A SLIM CHANCE YOU DO, WRITE A FULL REVIEW ON HER IN THIS BLOG).

CON: IN REFERENCE TO THE ABOVE STATEMENTS PRO, IF YOU GO TO COLLEGE YOU WON'T MASTURBATE, AND THATS A GOOD THING. REMEMBER, THE CHURCH FROWNS UPON THE PEOPLE WHO DO SUCH THINGS. DON'T FORGET THE 11th COMMANDMENT "THOU SHALT NOT STROKER YOUR POKER." WHY DO YOU DO IT ANYWAY? YOU KNOW YOU FEEL GUILTY AFTER YOU DO IT. YOU SHOULD REALLY STOP DOING IT. REMEMBER GOD IS WATCHING.

PRO: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!! HE DOESN'T FEEL GUILTY ANYMORE. DO YOU THINK HE'S TWELVE YEARS OLD OR SOMETHING? BESIDES GOD IS A VOYEURISTIC PEVERT...THATS WHY HE'S WATCHING YOU WASTING SEED.

CON: OF COURSE HE DOES FEEL GUILTY....DON'T YOU AVERAGE JOE? YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

ME: What eye? Your name is CON a short for my CONscience.

PRO: HEY WHAT DOES PRO STAND FOR?

ME: I dunno....PROstrate?? Anyway enough about the pros and cons.

So let me see. I think I've reached a decision. Yep I definitely have. And it's a final decision. I'm staying at home!!!

PRO: YESSS!!! IN YOUR FACE CON OR SHOULD I SAY "CONdom". HAHAHA!!! I ALWAYS WIN.

CON: YOU ALWAYS WIN DO YOU? WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME AND ASK YOUR WIFE WHO'S THE REAL FATHER OF "YOUR" CHILD.

PRO: WHAT...?? WHAT DID YOU SAY.....??

ME: Ok you two, please leave me alone. I have lengthy blog post to complete.

So, I'm staying home and thats final. Well I guess the best way to end this blog would be by sayin..... Hey wait a minute. I'll be getting the refund of the conference money tomorrow. I'll HAVE to go to college.

Great!!! So now my final decision is that I AM going to college. So the best way to end this blo.....Whoa!! Hold on..There's no last date for collecting my money from the college. I can collect it on Monday.

Well then, thats final. I'm NOT going to college. I'll stay at home and watch TV, and play computer games and waste seed all day long. So finally, and for the last possible time, let me conclude this blog by saying tha-_..........Slow down a minute, if you don't' g_....
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This could take some time. So let me just conclude by saying tune in for more boring adventures of my life when the next post comes out. Bye. Take care. God bless. And remember to "stroker you poker" or "stab-ity you cavity" (whatever the case may be).

In the beginning......

2008-02-14T18:45:00.001+05:30

OK. I know I've jumped onto the blogging bandwagon quite late. But I've always been scared of bandwagons. Especially the ones which are powered by animals. You never know when you'll end up on the wrong side of an animal which has severe diarrhea (thats when gushing spouts of watery shit fly out your ass). That's what we truly call the receiving end. Just imagine such an animal, giving a powerful sneeze. It would take weeks of showering to get that smell of half digested grass off of your body.

Anyway, enough about that. The purpose of this blog is.......well...uh.....well I guess the purpose of this blog will be to get back at those people who bully me at some point of my life (thank you internet for the greatest gift of all ANONYMITY...and pirated movies....and pirated music.....and porn). Also, there are some seriously sadistic people in power at my college whom I want to get back at (thats right....I'm in college.....and I'm 22 years old and steal a shit load of chocolates from my mother who hides them at various places of our home). The purpose of the blog is also to look at some episodes of my life in a humorous way. Both at home, or at college, or on the way to college from home and vice versa...I'm always at the receiving end (not in the above mentioned sense), and I tend to look at the lessons of life from a third perspective (like in the game HITMAN....the franchise which recently had a crappy movie made on its title character).

So wish me luck on my new endeavor and please forgive me if I use a lot of parentheses in my posts ("parentheses - plural form of parenthesis).